Marriage fun lines, gags and quips
March 13, 2011 | In: Ampersand
1. A long married couple came upon a wishing well. The wife leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.
The husband decided to make a wish too. But he leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned.
The wife was stunned for a moment but then smiled,
“Wow! This stuff really Works!”
2. Son: Is it true Dad? I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her!
Dad: That happens everywhere, son, EVERYWHERE!!!
3. Last night, my wife and I were sitting in the living room and I said to her, ‘I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluid from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug’.
She got up, unplugged the computer, and threw out my beer!
She is such a bitch! 4. The great question… which I have not been able to answer is… what does a woman want? -Sigmund Freud 5. “Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week.
A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.” -Henry Youngman 6. “I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.” -Sam Kinison 7. “There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.” -James Holt McGavran 8. “I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn’t.” -Patrick Murray
9. A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong. -Milton Berle
10. My wife and I were very happy for twenty years. Then we met. -Rodney Dangerfield
